I am generally somewhat of a callous bitch- I'll own that. I'm grumpy, pessimistic, and I like to gossip. For every silver lining you may see, I see skies full of impending doom. You may see a child, but I see a gremlin with a runny nose. I don't like nuns, puppies, or Oprah. I think the sun is oppressive and flowers just make me sneeze.
All-in-all, I can be downright unpleasant. But from October 21st- January 5th, I am the giddiest, most altruistic, naively hopeful person you will ever encounter.
My mother uses the term "bliss ninny" to describe people like me. I get drunk on the smell of candy canes. I want to hug every bearded fat man in red that I see (this has caused awkward moments in the past). Every time I hear a bell ring I feel compelled to scream congratulations to angels for their new found flight capability. I quote Tiny Tim's "God bless us every one" when more than four acquaintances gather in the same vicinity. I practice wrapping empty boxes, and I decorate a Christmas tree weeks before Thanksgiving; then, I leave it up until Valentine's Day. "Grinch" replaces "bitch" in my vocabulary. I purchase lotions that make me smell like a gingerbread house and candles that promise cliche results like "Warm Holiday Splendor" and "Grandma's Christmas Cookies." And, I get generally offended- sometimes weepy- when I hear the words "bah humbug" uttered by those not so Yuletide obsessed.
How did this happen? I have no idea. For years I was Queen of the Scrooges. I had the typical
I'm beginning to think that Christmas Me is what I would be like all the time if I'd never learned the art of cynicism. It's like my inner child marks a 60 day block on my mental calendar and says "This time is reserved for good thoughts and magic," and then shoves a sugar plum down the throat of grinchy everyday me. It is an amazing reprieve.
Speaking of which, I just found a some Christmas jewelery that we picked up from the Bees Ferry Walmart one night. Do you remember? It was really creepy because we were like the only customers and let's face it, Walmart has at least 2574 people in it at any given time.
ReplyDeleteBy the way I love the blog just as I knew I would! Please continue to keep me entertained!
Ummm... did you find the crescent moon Santas? Because I absolutely wore those yesterday!
ReplyDeleteWith your candy cane lotion and chipper attitude, you're like the Pied Piper of Christmas. I know my children want to follow you everywhere.
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